when they cut me open what did they find a withered heart and a troubled mind my broken engine with its oil black muscles and sinews weak and slack a shrivelled soul extinguished of hope a brain of mush from alcohol and dope I knew what was coming so I preempted death with a listless overdose an easy last breath with death I claimed release from a life of never ending misery trouble strife judge me not I did the best I could homeless familyless and never any good
Poetry days #41.
All work is my own and subject to copyright. I do not use AI. I do not want Ai to use my work.
We are sitting in the basement fifteen of us and a few cats and dogs the battery powered light flickering endlessly giving this dark windowless space an unsettling strobe effect we are powerless to correct
anything
there’s constant noise down here the wet wood in the furnace gathered in life risking scrambled forays sizzles spits and pops like everything above ground
the thermal fan under it turns on ever grinding stripped cogs whir, grrr, whir, grrr
such a refuge such refugees
the six month old baby grizzles persistently as her mother rocks in place mother elicits an endless suppressed yet ever audible keening cry over the child eeee, oh, eeee, ooh, ooooh
our elderly neighbour in the corner incessantly mutters unintelligibly and fossicks in his rucksack for something he never seems to find rustle, bustle, rustle
the small boys of the street wrestle spar for an activity to do until someone inevitably gets hurt accusations fly accompanied by pleading cries and whimpers for concern but there is little room for that sook sook sook
oh the irony of such violence here and now in play and then the recriminations begin all over again or it's back to the board games already fought over and played dozens of times
or back to exhausted, restless sleep
the horror that has thrown us together it has lasted five days now with no end in sight I mean how would we know we have no radio if there was if there is any end in sight?
add the horror of literally dashing and splashing to relieve yourself topside before something or someone gets you in one way or another
the horror of what you see while you are out there exposed and defenceless amongst the snipers the stray ordinance the wreckage the carnage, the bodies and body parts the smoke and the smell you can't get rid of any of it the imagery burnt into your retinas the stench of burnt everything embedded in your nostrils the burns on your skin your very own smouldering soul
two young girls push toy cars and trucks around the room filling them with anything they can that will support a story of some sort to overcome their fear you never know how it will manifest next as they fret, fidget, fuss, fume or fuse
we all stare at the floor most of the time except for the brief apprehensive looks heavenward, to the ceiling with every new global shudder of our tiny enclosed world we know where we are yet we are lost we are buried I wonder will we be buried here? in our own reality show live tombing what will that be like?
CRUMP!
is it that noise that bothers most? or is it the ripping and tearing of metal and wood like live cardboard screaming until it also is finally dead and still all movement defeated all creaks silenced all purpose gone with the wind
the exploding windows the thumps and whumps of trees and structures unknown falling to the earth the wild crackling and detonation arcing earthing power lines writhing like electrocuted psychotic snakes the searing howling jet stream that is simply the roar of wind generated by wildfire and wild fire the small arms fire rippling like saucepan popping corn the convulsive impacts of guided bombs drones missiles random artillery or the moments of deathly silence when it all stops when the next set of questions begin do we venture out with hope? or do we continue to wait to still sit still in this basement of dread
our will to endure fading fading deeper into despair
our fading resilience a fading of body and mind
we can see in our minds eye the fading of our ink from every record of us there ever was as we fade from presence and the present and from remaining data banks we fade from existence as surely as every other ordinary person is knowingly or carelessly erased by war
I sobbed while I banged my head on the dock I lit the fuse tick tock tick rock With nowhere to go I ran amok because I knew no one gave a fuck
and my children died inside the conflagration while outside I died as a witness stationed to watch this act as the ultimate martyr from lover to mother to miserable failure
now my babies don’t suffer anymore don’t you see? their loss was my hope for my babies three their release from torment my relief and my grief I their life giver corrupter and thief
I scratched at the doors where help is the word I pleaded for help and not one cry was heard I make no further excuses for this desperate crime judge me oh judge me and I’ll do my time
but I urge you who judge to stop and reflect on the festering harm of abuse and neglect on how absence of care equals opportunity cost from pitiful existence my babies were lost
poetography.ink 