My father's death still bothers me
because I think it’s a sin
to die after 68 years of fathering
without letting your boy in

and I see him as doubly negligent 
to have lost his mind in the end
so that the only time I got to share with him
was when he was beyond ever becoming a friend

I am partly responsible for giving up trying
since I recognised his absence from my life
and now I also resent his absence by dying
as much as I resented in me his lack of faith